When we have endured trauma in our lives, we might always be on the lookout for the next threat. We might be hyper-focused and vigilant in seeking out the next threat coming our way. We have learned how to survive, and part of that survival is protecting ourselves from threats. We need to be on the lookout for danger in relationships; however, when we have experienced trauma in the past, we might not be aware of how it affects our present.
When we are in a relationship, we may need to allow ourselves more time to build trust and intimacy. We may need to let our partner know that we need some space from time to time as we heal. When we are hyper-focused on looking for the next threat, we may have difficulty accepting and welcoming love. We might be worried that the person will suddenly change and become abusive. We might be fearful of abandonment. These feelings are things that we may need to work through on our outside of the relationship.
Fear of abandonment or mistrust in a relationship may be a maladaptive strategy that we have used in the past to deal with dangerous situations and people. Most of the people in this world are good. We need to remember this when we start to connect with others outside of treatment. When we are always in fear during a relationship, we might end up sabotaging it. We should take time to learn signs of bad relationships and not project fears onto a current one. We also need to learn to manage our emotions and thoughts so we do not disrupt a potentially healthy relationship.
We might need some more time to heal ourselves before entering relationships while in recovery from trauma. Before we can manage our symptoms, we might be so hyper-focused on threats that we miss out on good opportunities with healthy partners. When we fear abandonment or fear the day that “somebody will pull the rug out from under us,” we distract ourselves from focusing on forming a healthy connection. Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy and happy relationship. We may need to learn how to soothe ourselves and make ourselves feel safe before pursuing relationships. We might need a supportive environment where we can work on ourselves. The Guest House welcomes those suffering from trauma to come to heal with us. We offer multiple treatment options and approaches to help you build the coping skills that you need to lead a fulfilling life. Call us today at (855) 483-7800 for more information on how we can help you!